


Love Of My Life

by curlyremus



Series: Years of Wolfstar's Life [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkwardness, Exes, Lie Low At Lupin's, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Reunion, but still in love, dark themes ish, no sex but sirius is naked for most of it but also not graphic, well it's not really hurt and comfort mainly just comfort, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 04:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15766590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlyremus/pseuds/curlyremus
Summary: Sirius spends some time with Remus after Dumbledore has ordered him to "Lie low at Lupin's for a while".





	Love Of My Life

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first wolfstar work I have ever put out into the world.

Remus stood on the rather small porch, the black dog sitting patiently next to him. He found it odd how calm Sirius was considering that the man who murdered his best friend had risen again and even tried to kill his godson. He unlocked the door and held it open wide enough for Sirius in animal form could walk in before trailing in after. He shut and locked the door behind him.

Inside the cottage was warm and the lights had been left on. The front door opened into a corridor where the walls were white and the lights were a warm yellow. As they walked down the hall there was a door on either side of it and opened into a living area further down.

Sirius turned back into his human form. Black ratty hair fell to his lower back, dirt stuck to his dark skin, his eyes were icy and cold. Ratty prison clothes hung to his thin body, if it wasn’t so big his bones would be showing, the thought of that made Remus feel sick.

Remus took his hand and gently lead him into the door on their right, it opened into a small bathroom. The tiles were a dark grey and the same from the hallway and the walls were white with copperish tiles on parts of it. There was a small white bath shower combination in the corner, a small cupboard with a hand basin and a toilet in a bathroom that was barely big enough to move around in. 

Remus turned on the taps for the bathtub to get the right temperature before putting the plug in. he filled the bathtub three-quarters full before turning off the water. he turned his back to Sirius to give him privacy to get undressed and into it. Remus found a cloth, soap, shampoo, conditioner, a hairbrush and a jug before finding a stool and placing it at the head of the bathtub.

Remus took a seat on the black wooden stool that had paint chipped away on parts of it and slowly started collecting the bathtub water in the glass jug. The water was on the hotter side of warm which is what he remembered Sirius liked. He started pouring the water down Sirius’ filthy hair and repeated the process until the entirety of his hair was saturated. He got the brush and slowly started detangling Sirius’ curls that were clumped together. Once he had carefully cleaned his hair thoroughly trying hard not to hurt or cause alarm to him, he moved the stool to the side of the bath. He wet the cloth and started cleaning the rest of him up starting with his face. 

Remus ran the soapy wet cloth along Sirius’ forehead, slowly getting rid of dirt while Sirius looked at him with his grey eyes. He purposely made his actions slow and drawn out so it didn’t startle him. As the dirt slowly got washed away, he was looking more like his old self but with tattoos and less weight. Sirius gave him a tiny smile after Remus gently rubbed the dirt away from his eyes with his thumbs. Remus felt his heart flutter at that moment and blush almost creep onto his cheeks. 

Sirius watched Remus intently as he washed his hands and arms. “I think you’d prefer if you did the rest,” Remus said passing him the cloth and motioning towards the lower half of his body. He nodded taking it from him and Remus got up from the stool to get a towel from the vanity for when he was done.

“Stay with me; please,” Sirius mumbled while cleaning his feet. He couldn’t hear a reply, so he looked up at Remus, who was holding a yellow towel and eyes that were comforting. 

“I wasn’t planning on leaving” Remus replied as he put the towel on the stool, and started cleaning up the rest of the room and putting things back where they belonged. Sirius got out and wrapped the towel around his waist before Remus could see anything, but slipped as he took a step. He wrapped his arm around Sirius’ waist and pulled him close to him, he looked at the hazel eyed boy stunned by the sudden closeness. “Sorry,” he mumbled letting go of him before quickly looking up at the ceiling.

“It- it’s fine,” Sirius composed himself before picking up the towel that fell to the ground and wrapping it back around his waist. “Sorry.”

“It’s not like I’ve never seen it before.”

“Right, yeah.”

Remus steppes around Sirius and opened the door before walking out, he opened the door on the other side of the hallway and held it open for Sirius to follow him in. The walls were the same colour that they were in the hallway, there a double bed in the corner with a red duvet on it and a trunk that sat on the corner and a window above it. Remus went to a trunk and pulled out clothes for Sirius to wear.

“They’re probably too big, but yeah, um. I’m just going to reheat some food,” he passed Sirius the clothes before leaving the room. Sirius looked down at the knitted jumper in his hands, it was rainbow horizontal stripes which he remembered he bought it for Remus for his nineteenth. 

Remus smiled at Sirius kindly when he appeared in the kitchen with the crazy coloured jumper. It was too short for him but also too large for his frame and red satin boxers that actually fit him perfectly. 

The living room, the walls were a cream colour and the floor was grey stone. The back wall had a glass door that looked across the meadows and a smaller stone building out the back. There was a small freestanding black fireplace in the corner of the room facing the glass door. A red futon with a handmade quilt sat in front of the fireplace and some flimsy shelves on the wall with some books on it. 

Sirius and Remus sat on flimsy chairs at a small round table that was in the kitchen area. Remus put two bowls of pasta down on the table along with cutlery. 

Sirius looked at Remus, he really wanted to talk to him but didn’t have a clue what to say without coming across in a way he didn’t want. He took a deep breath and looked around the room, trying to find something to talk about. All he could think of was how he stupidly acted the night James and Lily were killed and how Remus must’ve felt that night. “I’m sorry.”

Remus seemed taken back by Sirius talking and particularly apologising. One of the reasons their relationship was so turbulent growing up was because Sirius never admitted to his mistakes and never apologised unless James coerced him into it. “About what?”

“Everything,” he mumbled looking at the food in the white ceramic bowl. He swirled his fork around in the spaghetti, twirling it around but never putting it in his mouth. He hated how guilty he felt about everything, from the Snape incident to being sent to jail.

“I’m sorry for thinking it’s you,” Remus tried to look into Sirius’ eyes as he said it but he was too preoccupied with his pasta. 

“It was my fault, everything I fucking do,” Sirius threw his fork into the bowl before his hands in the air. “Everything I do turns to fucking shit,” he yelled before throwing his own head into the bowl of pasta. 

Remus went from feeling concerned to laughing, Sirius looked up at him with a frown but he couldn’t hold back his laughter. “I’m sorry,” Remus laughed and put his hands up in the defence as he looked at Sirius with sauce and pasta stuck to his face. “I said sorry,” he said calmed down.

Sirius’ frown turned into a smile. Remus didn’t hesitate to lean in and press his lips against Sirius’, his fingers running through the dark long hair before holding the back of his head. “Remus,” Sirius moaned against Remus’ lips, his fingertips softly touching his cheeks as Remus deepened the kiss.

Remus couldn’t keep track of his thoughts, his mind clouded with the fact that Sirius’ lips tasted like tomato pasta sauce, he wanted to know if his mouth tasted like that or how he remembered it did. He slowly ran his tongue along Sirius’ top lip and he pulled away in response, looking slightly horrified from what just happened.

“I missed you,” Remus meant it to come out in a monotone way but it was a whimper. 

“You don’t say,” Sirius smirked. Remus’ heart dropped when he didn’t say it back. He looked down at both of the bowls knowing that they wouldn’t eat the rest.

“Sorry, fuck sorry,” he apologised as he took the bowls over to the bin and emptied them into it before putting them in the sink and looking out the window, it looked out into a hilly meadow. 

“Moony, I wouldn’t have stayed here if didn’t think we could handle it,” he stood up from the stool trying to catch the man’s attention. 

“I'm sorry,” he turned around from the sink and leaned against the bench before rubbing his eyes.

“Stop apologising, it was a good solid kiss.”

Remus shut his eyes as analysed the situation and hated himself for what he did, he just gave in to his impulses and feelings. “I just did it, I didn’t even think about what you wanted.”

“I missed you too. We were together for years, and we’re drawn to familiarity,” Sirius was slowly walking over to him with his fingers tapping against the bench in time with his steps.

“It’s not familiarity; I just never got over you. Properly, at least,” he didn’t take his eyes off the floor as he admitted it. 

They’d had been together since they were fourteen, and stayed together up until Sirius went to jail even though their relationship was strained and unhappy in the end, neither of them wanted to give up on something that they had given seven years to even they somewhat despised being near one another.

“Same. I mean, you were the last person I slept with before I went to jail and as poetic or whatever it would be that you were the first person after I got out, I’m just not ready.” Sirius tried to go for the light-hearted approach but saw the hurt in Remus’ eyes and mentally kicked himself for trying to seem somewhat aloof.

Remus creased his brow. “Of course.”

Sirius was standing less than a metre away from Remus. “I’m just struggling with a lot of shit in here,” he tapped two fingers against his temple hoping Remus understood that while he does want it, he can’t do it. “I just don’t want to drag you into it.”

Remus gave him a small smile. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“And I love you for that,” Sirius pressed a kiss against Remus’ forehead. “Love of my life, love of my life,” he spoke in a whisper.


End file.
